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no one ever likes me as much as i like them 

(via ambieeebambi)

  • Cop: Have you been drinking?
  • Me: I been drankin'
  • Cop: Surfbort
  • Me: Surfbort


Life is too short to be trippin off dis bullshit

(via trust-yourstruggle)




do british people really eat beans on toast as a meal

in america is everyone ignorant

it was just a question damn no need to get hostile go eat some beans on toast

(via sittingona-cornflake)

18 hours ago





if you ever feel bad about yourself i want you to know that my catholic roommate once asked me what a pope was

she also asked me why guacamole tasted like avocados 

she thought california was its own country (i literally have a list of shit she has said and i’m going to add to this every week)


(Source: shampoo, via sittingona-cornflake)

18 hours ago
18 hours ago
  • Kidnapper: Get in the fukin van
  • Me: Oh ok cool
  • Kidnapper: Wut
  • Me: This is a febreze commercial right
  • Kidnapper: Wut
  • Me: Smells pretty shitty in here to me tbh


my wallet is empty just like my soul

(via therealestoxymoron)

1 day ago
1 day ago
  • Baby Boomers: The recent generation is so rude
  • Baby Boomers: Screams at servers over petty shit like toast
  • Baby Boomers: Screams at cashier for telling them their coupon is expired
  • Baby Boomers: Ignores store policy
  • Baby Boomers: Says racist and sexist things
  • Baby Boomers: Borrowed against our future and then insults unemployed youth.